Who doesn’t want a happy and cheerful child playing around and giving you break of the lifetime? Well that is the dream hope of every parent but not everyone is bestowed with it all the time. Kids are moody little creatures, full of tantrums, cries, sudden shot of happiness but extreme joyful. But do you think you can easily make it happen by reading books or choosing the right way of raising them? Then you are highly mistaken as every one is born with a unique personality which can be altered but couldn’t be totally replaced. That being said, I will give you instances from my own real life and how people around me responded to when my little girl freaked out in front of strange faces or in crowd.
My girl is sensitive and cries a lot when introduced to new environment or people. She is fine playing at park with other people around but on a visit to friend’s place she freaks out. She won’t go to anyone except me or my husband. All she will do is to cry till she get exhausted. Thanks to couple of my friends who actually understood our situation and let her be like that or eased her. But then world is not full of good people. Sharing my thoughts on the same.
First of all, if you happen to be a parent of such a child read below pointers immediately.
- IGNORE – Ignore the gaze of people in malls or public places as they mean nothing to you and either they might be correlating with you or judging you which is in no way beneficial to you in your situation.
- CALMNESS – Don’t even think that your crying child can put herself all together when you yourself is losing calmness. They need you to look confident whether it helps in their situation or not.
- DIVERSION – Try to carry things like iPad or her/his favourite book/ toy which can help you divert her/ his attention for a while.
- CHOCOLATE – Giving chocolate is a crime in a dictionary of perfect mom’s world but sadly, I haven’t seen such a mom till date. So carry few and bribe them to make them temporary happy.
- HUG – Hug them tight and make them feel right. They might not stop crying but deep down they feel secured.
- JUDGING – By this time, you must have totally stop judging other moms and their efforts in raising kids. Let them be.
- LESS CROWDED – Introduce your kid to the personal family meet ups where you don’t get lots of people to disturb her peace. This is tried and tested by me. They react better with fewer people. And they learn to socialize too. But if they handle fewer people well that doesn’t mean that they are prepared to handle the large crowd.
- PRO ACTIVENESS – Be proactive and tell new faces to not say ‘hi or hello’ to them at all. Ignore them completely. Believe me they are more happy that way.
Life is already difficult for parents with such kids and then there are friends who either make you feel better or worse. Here are the few reactions which I got when my girl freaked out for her consistent fear of strangers and crowd.
- Reaction I respect : “That’s absolutely fine Shilpi, it happens with little kids. Don’t worry just take care of her.”
- Reaction made me feel low : “Shilpi, your girl cries too much. Doesn’t she get tired of crying?”
- Reaction made me feel happy : ‘Don’t worry Shilpi, she will be fine after she will grow up and start talking. It’s momentary.”
- Reaction made me realize ‘how stupid people can be’ : ” My friend’s kids are so social as their parents take them out more often and they never cry.” (I mean seriously, are you talking about different kids or computerized created prototypes. Sorry that is my reaction to them.)
- Reactions made me lose your respect : “You guys have made her like that by laad-pyaar (extreme love care).” ( Pause ! I am raising twins in the same manner and environment then how can one is destroyed with it and other is quick absorber. This is sh*t !)
And the list can go on like this with no real benefit to anyone. All I request to everyone, is to be little sensitive to new parents and support them rather than making them feel low of their parenting skills. They are going through a tough period which will get better for them soon enough than you realize.